thenearshore | Let's Go Out

Entry tags:

Let's Go Out

Who: Rin Matsuoka and Sousuke Yamazaki
Where: Various locations on the Near Shore
When: Mid-August
What: How many ways can “Let’s go out” be interpreted?
Warnings: Knowing them, something awkward/cute/hot/feels is going to happen.

[You don’t need to get closer. There’s no more distance between us. Those are the kind of thoughts he’d expect any logical person to think about their relationship. Between a god and his shinki, living together and growing together, how could they bother with the idea of getting “closer” when their lives were more or less wrapped up within each other’s? They already experienced so much together. Their initial meeting under the shower of cherry blossoms and clouds. A strange bond rushing together with every race they took in the pool to hone their skills as swimmers and conquer Sousuke’s nostalgia. Sharing the burden of pain and poignancy as they met with Rin’s father and helped him return to the afterlife.

Yelling and arguing over the stupidest things (and sometimes not so stupid) from workout practices to what’s the best way to cook spicy teriyaki. Bright laughs and satisfied grins as they trained their powers out in the castle grounds or raced through the castle to explore its secrets. Even the awkward moments that keep popping up, from sleeping in the same bed to accidentally getting flashes of nudity in the bathroom… and spending an entire week together as kids. They even got a bath (or five) together already! Anyone with those kinds of events in their lives were bound to be called “best friends” or something like that, right? They didn’t need to get any closer, right?

… apparently they did. Maybe it simply isn’t enough to spend those kinds of times and experiences together. Training, living, growing, learning, enjoying, challenging… Those things are always going to be there and Sousuke’s not against any of them. So then, if they’re that close already, why’s this day having so much fun already playing awkward string through their evening tapestry? Let’s go out. That’s all he’d said when he came downstairs. He didn’t say anything remotely related to the term ‘date’ you know! But… his god’s a romantic sap beyond compare and it didn’t take long for someone’s face to get red.

So of course Sousuke’s surprise (maybe suspicion) lingers on as he steps out of the portal that carries his god and him to the Near Shore. The human realm that contains so many sights, scents, and sounds that bring a round of comfort and gentle thrill to his chest. Rin agreed to the offer. After all that, he’d agreed. It’d been a long time, if not actually the first time, they’ve ever gotten dressed up in front of each other. He’s grateful for the cooler evening air. It makes his current clothes far more comfortable. Turns out, even if Sousuke tends to prefer his shirts open and untucked, his collarbones exposed, casual pants a little unconsciously-lowcut… he’s not at all bad cutting an impressive figure in formal wear.]

Where do you want to go?

[The obvious intent is to have dinner eventually… but it’s been a long time since they’ve gone out to simply hang with each other in such a setting. They should really make a whole night of it. Who knows what else they’ll learn about each other… Who knows how much closer they’ll get.]

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[Maybe he doesn’t wanna ask you! He’s got other things to worry about that don’t involve silly teenage something-rathers. Like work! And perfecting his powers. And that weird feeling he gets in his stomach sometimes when Sousuke looks at him for too long and he just knows he’s thinking about something stupid either to purposely mess with him or just slack off. He swears. Working with his best friend at his side all the time is both a blessing and a curse. But... he doesn’t think this could have gone any better for the both of them regardless. Sousuke’s more comfortable, less wary... happier. And Rin’s gone several hours forgetting their relationship ever changed at all. Basically what he’s trying to say is... no matter what he feels, he’s grateful to be spending this time with his best friend. Was it fate that did it, he wonders? Did the higher ups know they missed those years together and purposely set them up for this kind of afterlife?

Hngh. Alcohol talking. Has to be. He couldn’t be more relieved to be stepping out into the evening chill again.

What’s he talking about now though? Hurt feelings... As if he– Waugh!]

Ah– Sousuke! Knock it off! [he sputters, hand flying up to whack at his shinki’s. Come on, he just made it look nice! Stepping to the side, he narrowly avoids bumping into someone before he arcs up and reaches behind with both hands to start fixing what Sousuke ruined. It might be a tiny ponytail, but it needs some work to look stylish and not ridiculous! Rin yanks the hair tie out slowly, then while his hair falls back over his neck he slips the tie between his teeth.] Hnn... hot.

[he grumbles as he starts bunching and smoothing his hair up with both hands again, leaving his neck dotted with sweat but once again exposed to the cool air. Tie back in place, folded three times and tight, bangs evenly parted on either side of his face. Satisfied, Rin spares Sousuke one more pout (don’t you dare mess his hair up again) then shuffles off in the direction of the river their balcony overlooked before. He could use a pretty sight right about now.]

[Sure you don’t. You’re so much loftier than silly teenage issues like thinking about your roommate in weird ways and wondering why you’re in the same bed as him and not caring about it at all. Though Sousuke does acknowledge they need to deal with their work. Neither of them are living here “for free” and they have their duties, Rin to be god and Sousuke to be god’s guard. Protecting people and training, making sure Rin answers those fervent prayers and Sousuke keeps his tail clean from the ayakashi that want to ruin everything. They work well together and get their stuff done though… So why not deal with the occasional (way more than that) teenager thing rearing its head?

Working with Rin makes him comfortable. They fight and clash plenty, but he never feels like it’s a bad thing. They always end up coming out of those scrapes for the better in one way or another. Understand something more about the other guy, determined to get stronger to beat the newly-set record, realize they’re not perfect, and a host of other things. Even if Sousuke’s never been under another god (save for that one instance) and has no intention to ever be so, he knows inside that no one would ever come close to being so synched with him as Rin is. He’s… hn… He’s a perfect match.]

Hahaha, hai hai… [Still trailing in soft laughter, he leaves Rin’s hair alone and lets him fuss about it. Probably shouldn’t just “punched” him, but do you know how many times Rin’s ruffled his hair? A lot. Sousuke moves to stand between Rin’s aside location and the street, blocking anyone else from almost accidentally bumping into his god. He nods slightly at the comment about it being hot… but then frowns.] It’s just you.

[Considering the night air’s rather cool out. A slightly concerned expression flickers in his eyes at seeing the sweat dotting Rin’s neck. He wants to chalk it up to nerves or embarrassment or something, maybe even the beer, but none of those completely pacify him. When Rin says nothing about it, though, he decides to hold his tongue and simply keep an eye on him. Doesn’t take too long for his god to get himself presentable at least. Right right, he won’t mess with your hair again.

And turns to follow the other teenager to the river.] We should go there again. It was good.

Hah? What're you saying?

[It's just him? What's that supposed to mean? Not that it really matters anymore. He's already cooling down (even just a little) and he refuses to let the rest of that heat get to him. Nerves, embarrassment, drinking... To be honest, it's all probably a weird combination of all three. Who even knows. His mind's running at a thousand miles a second.

It's for the best they're on the move again, that being said. The sooner he can stretch his legs and get some fresh air away from the crowds, the sooner he can cool down and relax, right? At least that's his hope. So off he goes, leading the way for a short while until both their paces instinctively match up and they're once again side to side, eventually breaking away from the busy sidewalk and towards a quieter pathway lined with rocks and grass.]

Hm? You sure you can handle getting all dolled up again? [he teases, chin tilted up and brow raised as if in challenge.] Didn't think you'd like being fancy so much, Bakasuke. [Heh. Yeah, he didn't forget that nickname, not by a long shot.]

[And letting the question pass on by unanswered because why bother? If Rin’s hot, he’s hot. Simple as that. The cool air outside should take care of it as they near the river. The flow of water mingles with the lapping of small waves against the riverbed and Sousuke relaxes as the sounds reach him. Far different than the slap of pool water against the walls, yet still so calming. Either that or he’s simply far more even-headed than Rin. … Usually.

Sousuke puts a little more length in his strides, mostly to stretch his thighs and calves after having been sitting for so long. The park doesn’t take long to envelope them in branches and welcoming lamps illuminating walkways and small covens for private rest. As they reach the stone and turf-lined path, he slows his strides and falls in even steps next to his god, content to linger here with him as they walk through the green grove.]

I don’t take nearly as long as you. [Pointed out with a shrug, eyes closed and hinting-at-smug.] And I don’t. [Oh he’s going to go with that nickname again? Hmph, what a jerk.] Aho-Rin. [If his memory serves him correctly.]

[Huh. He expected there to be more people out here at this time of night. Sure, he can spot one or two of them on the other side of the riverbank, but from the looks of things, it's just him and Sousuke here with the branches and the dim lamps lighting up the pathway. Not a problem though. Gives them that same privacy as before he might have gotten more used to than he'd like to admit.]

I only took a couple minutes longer.

[So there. No reason to call him names over wanting to be extra presentable! ... He stretches his leg out anyway for that one and with a snicker ends up nudging Sousuke in the hip with his knee. Don't you even start, you smartass.

Back to their walk, though for Rin it's a little more than that since he starts finding a few larger rocks along the pathway to hop up on, balance atop, then step back off to keep himself entertained in all this calm and quiet.]

Haah, now it's cold. [said as he hops down from another rock and ends up bumping his shoulder against Sousuke's with the slight misjudgment of distance. Oops. Just gonna attempt to cover that up by swinging his arm around and hooking it around Sousuke's neck all buddy-buddy like. See? He meant to do that all along! Totally didn't lose his balance for a second.]

But you know what? You dress up all right, Sousuke. It's a good thing people can't see us, otherwise you'd be getting some looks. ... Che. I should be mad at you for it.

[They’re probably all still eating or doing whatever else there is to do on a night out in Tokyo. Sousuke prefers it that way. Just being together with Rin without anyone else invading or distracting. He knows his god’s a social butterfly, but… He doesn’t know the reason or the why, yet Sousuke’s protective of him. And not because he’s Rin’s shinki. It’s different, deeper, like it’s somehow already there and ingrained in him. Rin’s someone he wants to see always free, always smiling. No one is going to get in the way of that. Ever.]

Hn. A couple.

[All right, he’ll agree with you there rather than tease him. And you called him names first. But Sousuke had to admit Rin made himself very presentable. Even gave Sousuke some little touchups before they left the castle, much to the larger boy’s silent, resigned exasperation. The little nudge bumps him in the hip and he starts slightly. Oy… but only ends up giving a soft laugh.

Sousuke glances up when Rin jupms onto the rocks and slows his pace a little so he doesn’t pull away from the extra rise and fall. It’s cute. Like a little kid finding a way to make everything just a little more interesting. Hands in his pockets, he merely keeps watch on him, staying close just in case Rin might need his shoulder to brace against if his balance fails.]

It’s not that cold. [He grunts softly at the sudden bump, but then blinks when it somehow turns into a one-armed hug. He hunches over a little so Rin’s not stretching. But… well, his arm is warm, compared to the night air. And sure, that hadn’t been a balance thing. Strange that sleeping in the same bed as Rin doesn’t move him a bit but suddenly having an arm around his neck like this earns a tiny tinge of pink on his face. He blames it on the cold and earlier beer.]

You get plenty of looks too, you know. [The smile’s apparent in his tone and he lazily slips one arm around Rin’s waist, fingers hooking in a belt loop in case he tries to pull away.] Oh? [Mad, huh?] That sounds a little jealous, Rin.

[Similarly, Rin feels a deeper connection to Sousuke beyond just being his god. It’s always been there, he’s sure of that, but circumstances here and back home made it stronger, he thinks. Sousuke’s always been like family... but there’s something else there too. He’s skin deep, just close enough to be comfortable and not overbearing. He wants to always feel him there. Smiling, strong, confident and warm... Rin wants to protect the Sousuke not everyone gets to see, because he believes in him and cares about him more than he’s ever let on before.

Despite all that though, they’ve never been quite like this with each other. Sharing spaces and food, wrestling off the bed, sure. But a night like this... Rin laughs to himself just as he notices Sousuke has his arm around his waist. They’ve always shared a comfortable distance between them and they were content to accept it. Now... Hm. Rin settles against his best friend and frowns, his arm still around him, but his body purposely hanging so he can be supported.]

I’m not jealous. [he grumbles as he faces forward, eyes focused on the path and the little clusters of fireflies ahead.] I don’t have a reason to be.

[Aren’t they two peas in a pod? No, they’re more than that, different, similar, clashing, complimenting, at odds but working perfectly together. As Sousuke walks beside Rin through the park, he takes in the comfortable air that drifts around him. No matter what’s going on around them, between him and Rin, there’s always that sense of comfort when the other teenager’s with him. Like this is where he’s supposed to be, like everything will be alright. They can do anything together, no matter the difficulty or clash. His own protective nature is part of that sensation and he has no intention of losing it.

A gentle breeze rustles through the trees, carrying green leaves and the scent of the water with it. As Rin leans against him and his body gets slightly heavier, Sousuke instinctively cups his arm and supports him, fingers still lightly hooked in his belt loop even though his arm’s resting along the diamond of Rin’s back. The taller boy glances to the side at the comment, but merely returns his gaze forward with a small smile. Typical Rin answer.] And what reason’s that? [Color him curious about it? After all, if a lot of people are giving Sousuke looks… What makes Rin so sure he’s got no reason to be jealous?

[Careful now. With thoughts like those, you might sprout little angel wings and float away.

But it is interesting to see how their relationship's developed in such a short span of time, from Sousuke being so abrasive to suddenly refusing to sleep in his own room away from Rin. He wonders if it was always this quick when they first met or if he's just that good at making friends... Mm. Probably the former. With a touch of the latter.]

Huh?

[What reason? Oh. That. ... Suddenly he becomes too conscious about their closeness (that hand on his back in particular) and with some shifting and shimmying he dislodges his arm from around Sousuke and tries to take a step off to the side. It's awkward though, since Sousuke's got his finger in his belt loop like that, because instead of being all suave about it Rin ends up yanked back in a weird stumble. Like a fish on a hook.]

W-well... You know. [Shrug] That kind of reason. [Descriptive. Very descriptive.]

[Please, you’re the only one at risk of turning into a peach-butt cherub.

Sousuke blinks at the sudden unlooping of arm and tug to the side. Less at the attempt to get away but more at the suddenness of it. Did Rin just realize they were so close or did he suddenly not like that? Sousuke silently opens his arm regardless, wondering what the issue is—Urk.] Ow-OW! Oy, stop it! You’re gonna break my finger, Rin! [He’s jerking at him like some kind of fish on the end of a line and Sousuke’s trying to prevent that weird stumble from turning into a complete collapse on the ground. A quick tug, a hiss of pain, and there! Got it! His finger’s free and Rin’s able to get away.]

Moh, what’s wrong with you? [It’s not angry so much as pouting whine. Sousuke rubs at his finger. Luckily it’s not burnt or broken, so that’s good. He gives Rin a little look and then slips his hands into his pockets so he can resume walking beside him. Maybe that had been a little too… chummy. Even if they sleep in the same bed, it’s not like they’re tangled up in each other. They’ve always got this respectable distance and all…

Lucky for Rin, the commotion knocks whatever they were talking about previously out the window. (And that so very helpful answer probably helps.) Anyways… They’re close to the river now and Sousuke lets his eyes follow the dark waters.] So if you were going to run away here, what place would you get? House, apartment, rent a room?

[Isn't he already a peach-butt cherub?

Ah-- Didn't realize he was making it such a painful experience for him. Rin stops squirming so much once he realizes Sousuke's stuck on him and once he's untangled he quickly pats down his pants out of habit then shoves his hands in his pockets too. It's not that there was something wrong with it. It's just... Ugh, he doesn't want to think about it.]

My bad...

[As soon as the river comes into view, Rin hops down from the path where he spots a bench beside a few hedges. Oh, good. A place to sit. Again. ... Haah, if only it were warmer (and more socially acceptable) he'd leap right into the water to let out some of that energy. He ends up plopping down anyway and crossing one leg over the other so he can take in the view. Well, he supposes he can't do that if he's moving around anyway, right?]

Mm... [His eyes scan the city again, the tall buildings, the high rise apartments touching the skyline. Being up there might be nice. Might be romantic. But Rin shakes his head.] I don't think I'd be able to settle down if I ran away. I'd always have to be on the run, wouldn't I? [He breathes in deeply as a cool breeze passes and allows his eyes to slip shut.]

But if I could, it won't matter where I stay as long as I have something to work for.

... Wouldn't it be the same for you?

[Considering the only time he’s seen your butt was bitty and suds-covered, who knows? You’re also a little devil (when you wanna be) so there.

It’s not exactly “painful” but it’s not comfortable getting his finger caught in a belt loop of a stumbling teenager. But it’s all done now and he’s got his hands in his pockets and there’s that nice space between them again and all’s right with the world. Right? Sousuke doesn’t bring it up any further so they don’t need to think about it either. He’d rather focus on this relaxing night, the taste of tonkatsu still in his mouth, and the comfort beside him.]

Mah…

[Sousuke glances to the side as Rin hops off the path. A momentary arch of the brow, but he sees the bench a second later. Oh. Though he takes the rest of the curving sidewalk and few steps like a civilized human being rather than going off path. Coming to a stop by the side of the bench, the tall swimmer looks out at the dark waters, listening to the sounds of it against the riverbanks so much closer now. It really is a nice view, the river at night. They have so much water at Rin’s castle, but no real rivers or oceans. The scent of the natural river is so different from chlorine pools and garden fountains.]

You can’t run forever, Rin. There’s nothing wrong with finding a place you love and staying to find new sights.

[He knows Rin’s enthusiastic and eager to see all there is to see, but the idea of not being able to settle down? Ever? Always being on the run and never stopping? Yes, it’s admirable on the one hand, but it’s sad on the other. What if Rin found someone one day? Would he run from that person too? Will he eventually run from swimming? The question’s turned to him and he looks back out to the river, a quiet, almost solemn countenance.]

I don’t know. If I ran away, I’d want to have a place to run to. A goal to run towards.

[But you've seen his butt in tight pants before, right? Hm... but if you've been looking there, then maybe you're the devilish one instead, Sousuke.

It's definitely a welcome change to the artificial, almost overbearing atmosphere of the castle. Being out here, in a way, reminds him of the quieter outskirts of Iwatobi, and for that reason Rin finds himself immediately relaxed. He's been to a lot of places in a short amount of time, many of them busy and fast paced, but at his core he's still a country boy, born and raised in a small fishing town by the sea. Being in a natural environment like this only feels right.]

... You would say something like that.

[He keeps it vague, which is easier to do now since Sousuke's gotten to know him better. It's true Sousuke pushes him, lights a fire under him no one else can reproduce, but all the same he's very good at reeling Rin in. When he's pushing himself too hard, when he's just about to reach a breaking point-- In hindsight, it makes sense.

It's what I should have done for you.

He looks to Sousuke again and studies his face while he continues. ... Something about that look in his eyes makes his chest ache.]

... Whatever that goal is, I'd wanna be there to see you reach it.

[Yes. And you’ve seen his in what amounts to second skin spandex. Che, he’s not the only one that’s been looking, you know.

Sousuke finds the castle romantic and somewhat intimidating at times, but he does like it. Eros’ castle is pretty much synonymous with “home” for him. Not just because Rin’s there, but because he’s “grown up” in those walls and halls. Learning about his new life there. Still, it’s nice to get out and spend time elsewhere. The river and sky in front of him mingle with the trees and lights behind, giving a very pleasant, relaxed feeling. As much as the city seems interesting, Sousuke finds himself preferring the open country. Something small and quiet by the water… Something natural.

He doesn’t respond to the murmured comment. It’s his opinion. Rin’s so happy and eager to run here and there, enjoying life and yet always looking for the next best thing. Sousuke’s the kind that prefers to take his time, find what makes him happiest and stay there until he’s good and ready to move on. They’re different in that respect, with Rin looking to the future and Sousuke finding himself looking to the past. Though there’s very little past for him to look on right now. He sighs silently. Honestly, which is the best? To blindly rush forward or to wallow behind? Can’t they just be content with the present? None of those questions have any concrete answer, save for “moderation in all things” or something trite like that.

A light wind breezes by, rustling his bangs against his forehead, the night sky and dark waters reflect in Sousuke’s eyes. He wishes he could remember more… who he is… if he even had any goals. Rin’s gentle comment earns a small, sad smile and he closes his eyes, shoulders lifting in a slight shrug.]

You really are a romantic swimming maniac. [Sousuke looks at him, expression not changing.] I wish I could’ve known you before I died.

[It’s strange to think this is all Sousuke knows. It’s his only past and his only present... it might be his only future too if they end up staying here long enough. In his heart and mind, Iwatobi doesn’t exist, or at least it’s there in fragments, all scattered and possibly shattered beyond repair. There’s nowhere to equate this city or this river to, no place he can call his home except for a castle he’s barely explored... Rin doesn’t want to think so negatively about their situation again, but when he sees that solemn look in his shinki’s eyes, there’s no avoiding it. He knows Sousuke wants to remember. He wants his old past and the future he had to look forward to. But this is what he has. For Sousuke, this is about as “natural” as his life is going to be.

Can he really be happy about that?

Ultimately, that isn’t Rin’s decision to make, and he keeps the question sealed away with the rest of the unanswered ones in the back of his mind. Someday his resolve might falter and he’ll ask anyway because... that’s just how he is. But for now he sits, he listens, and he watches the breeze push his best friend’s hair across his forehead as he tries to make some sense of the world before them. It’s a world he should know, one he deserves to know... If only he could.

There’s that comment again. Calling him a romantic swimming maniac. Every time it pops up, Rin has to swallow his heart back into his chest. He could nudge him for it instead or tell him to be quiet like always... Anything to block out the memory of laughing in spring, sitting outside on the stairs with a can of Cola between them both. But Sousuke always makes it difficult, each time more difficult than the last, and as he turns to face him with those next few words Rin suddenly feels his precious resolve snap away at the edges like a delicately spun web. His heart plunges and his throat dries, then little by little Sousuke’s features start warbling in and out of focus.]

Ah– [Eyes wide, he can’t quite force his body to move, but once the first stream of hot tears spill over one cheek he finally tears himself away, fingers balling into a fist so he can rub at his face. Stop it, stop it... He won’t understand this. You’ve cried enough. No amount of beating himself seems to slow him down though and frankly all the rubbing makes it easier for more tears to escape. Rin bends to face his lap instead, hoping gravity can do him a favor and make his bangs cover up what his hands don’t catch quickly enough.

I’m right here, you know me!

... You died.

I promise, you know me...!

... You really died.]

Sorry... [he mutters with a forced laugh into his sleeve.] I think I just drank too much.

[He’ll never stop wishing to relearn his past; anyone would want to get back what’s missing. But his present and new past are anything but negative. And it’s all thanks to Rin. From their strange, distanced beginning to the deep bond they have now, Rin’s done everything he can to help him be happy with his new life. From providing a place to live and new clothes, giving him a purpose in life that saved him from fading into obscurity, to even the tiny things like racing down the halls and a smile to welcome him into the kitchen, those are treasured memories Sousuke holds fast to. They make up his new past, his new life, and each one has built to his present. Strange to think, yes, but it’s more than he could have expected.

He knows all of this… and yet the river reflects his sad eyes.

Yes, he’s happy. He’s happy he’s with Rin. But he’s sad because he wants to know the “Sousuke” he lost.

Rin does too. There’s no way for him to keep that hidden. Sousuke’s seen it over their weeks together. The slip of words, the knowledge Rin has about him, the way they get along and how well they mesh. It’s been speculation for a long time, but recently, Sousuke’s become convinced that it’s not some unknown friend of Rin’s that the god sees whenever he looks at his shinki. … It’s him. Rin knows Sousuke, a different Sousuke, the one who died. The unasked questions he knows swim around in his god’s head, keeping him up at night, sad and frustrated, but eternally hopeful that someday… someday everything will work out. And Rin protects him because of that. There is no remembered, only skirted accidents of nostalgia, old habits and preferences brought to light without calling to the past behind them. It’s impossible for a human not to figure this kind of stuff out and realize it. But both accept that reality, for all its bitterness and tender pain. All the while hoping one day for a recovery of what’s lost.

It's not fair. Not fair to say such a thing to Rin. Wishing he could have known him before he died. But I don’t know you. They can’t talk about the past; he only knows bits and pieces of Rin’s life and even those are trepidations and risky. To protect him, Rin’s willingly become a stranger to him, sacrificing himself and his memories behind a wall of silence. He has to care for them alone, unable to share them with his shinki, with his Sousuke. The Sousuke that lies buried and forgotten in his head and heart. Who I really am. So he wishes, wishes he could have known him before everything ended. Not just for himself to become complete, but for Rin to become what Sousuke knows Rin should always be. I wish you could be free.

The short inhale, his widened eyes, everything preceding his face melting into a stream of hot tears. I’ve made you cry again… His friend, his shinki, the source of his pain and his chains. Sousuke doesn’t blame him, nor does he blame himself. Neither of them would have chosen this. For once, he doesn’t tell him not to cry. Because right now, it’s the only way for everything Rin’s restrained to breathe. To grieve and regret, to remind himself of what’s missing and what’s waiting. To renew his determination. No… Sousuke understands far more than he lets on. As the tears fall beside him and Rin ducks his head into his lap to attempt to hide his sorrow, Sousuke keeps his focus on the river.

A single ball of heat wells on the corner of his eye and trickles down the side of his face. Don’t cry. Impossible. They’re only human.

The bench creaks lightly as he sits down beside his friend. The apology, the forced laugh, that sad excuse… Sousuke silently wraps one arm around Rin’s shoulders and pulls him close. Whether he ends up with a hot forehead against his own or a tear-soaked face in his shoulder or neck, he doesn’t care. Right now, he just wants to be next to him and hold him. He may not remember him before his death, he may wish he could have known him then, but…]
I’m happy, Rin. I’m happy that I know you now.

[I’m sorry I make you cry.]

[He hates to cry in front of him again. He’s already lost count of the number of times it’s happened. It’s been easier to hide his emotions though, to revert back to the old Rin who hid away from friends and teammates not just to protect himself, but anyone else from bothering with a failure. Doesn’t mean it feels good or right for that matter... but it’s what they have and what he needs to provide to keep Sousuke safe. So... is he betraying that now by being as open as he is? If he is, then why doesn’t he feel worse about it? Maybe it’s because it’s something of a relief. He feels more exposed, more honest and true to how he should be around his best friend. It doesn’t matter what memories exist within Sousuke or not. “This one” or “that one.” He’s still Sousuke to Rin.

And before anything else, he’s his friend, plain and simple. To have him at his side in one piece at all is more than enough.

He wipes at his face again with the back of his sleeve, determined to pull himself together, but when he hears the bench creak beside him he freezes in place. Ah... he’s closer now. Just like before. That familiar, comfortable warmth reminiscent of nights spent studying together on his bed. But back then Sousuke would’ve never done something like this... With his arm around his shoulders or around his waist, pinky through his belt loops and whatever else he did tonight that ended up passing by in a blur. He supposes he never had a reason to.

I’m happy, Rin.

... Rin moves without thinking, quickly turning to wrap his arms around Sousuke’s neck and burrow his face into the crook of his elbow. The last time he did anything close to this was back at regionals, when it was all too tempting to stay gripping onto his idiot of a best friend’s jacket for the rest of the day, if only he’d let him. So will he push him away now? Rin doesn’t know. Doesn’t even know if he’ll let it happen. Because he’s... a lot of things right now. Sad, angry... happy... He’ll need his shinki to keep him grounded through all of it.]

[Rin cries. It’s part of who he is. The boy wears his feelings on his sleeve. Sometimes he can almost succeed with an attempt to conceal them, but Sousuke knows he’ll ultimately fail. His god’s not the kind of person that can stow everything inside and put up some kind of front for very long. Eventually it becomes too much and breaks down. Either in outbursts of anger or in these hot tears he can’t hold in. Maybe because of his own personality and strange “skill” in that area, Sousuke’s able to recognize those attempts. And maybe it’s why it’s easier for him to knock down Rin’s walls and allow him these bittersweet breathers. Like someone coming up for air after being submerged for far too long… If he had his way, he’d never let Rin wall himself off, even for Sousuke’s own safety. But, unfortunately, he doesn’t have his way here and has to adapt to it. Both of them give each other something to help them cope with this place.

Because that’s what friends do. After such a distant, strange, rocky start, Sousuke readily admits that. Rin is his friend. His best friend. And he’s grateful to be with him. No one else—he’s sure of this—could be this important and connected to him.

They’re people who are close, but keep that respectable, comfortable distance between them. Sleeping in the same bed, but not entwined like something out of a romantic movie, swimming in the same pool, but in their own lanes (unless they’re practicing relay exchanges). They’re not the kind that walk around with arms thrown about each other, sitting on the same side of the table in a restaurant, acting all close and inseparable. But tonight… Maybe he blames it on the romantic restaurant that hosted their date-not-a-date earlier. Maybe he simply accepts that Rin’s a romantic maniac.

Or maybe Sousuke’s more human than he oftentimes pretends. And seeing Rin cry alone on the bench… crying because of him, for him… How can he not offer something? Quiet words to tell him it’ll be all right, an arm to show him he’s not alone, warmth to prove they’re together, going to be together, forever. As arms wrap around his neck and Rin’s face vanishes into the recesses of his embrace, Sousuke looks at his god with a small, tender, bittersweet smile.

You really are a big-hearted idiot. There’s no change of pushing him away.]

[Rin didn’t ask Sousuke to change his opinion on him at any time during their time here between both shores. He never expected him to pick one or the other, friend or god, and frankly he had no right to that anyway. So for Sousuke to make the decision to be this close to Rin all on his own means much more than he lets on. He’s not sure how it happened, just that it did, and somewhere along the lines Sousuke accepted Rin anyway with what little trust he had. Part of him wants to believe there’s a reason for it. There’s a subconscious feeling in his best friend’s mind telling him Rin’s ok, he’s safe, he knew him before... Maybe he’ll believe in it. Just this once.

Could it really do then any harm?

He stays with his arms around Sousuke for a little while longer before finally he takes a deep breath and slowly loosens his grip.]

Sorry...

[he says with a laugh while pulling back, hands sliding back towards him, ready to fall back into his lap... but then they stop, curled over the other swimmer’s shoulders, and so does Rin once he notices just how close he’s let himself be. He’s close enough to feel a weak but electric tingle between their faces, like if he breathes just enough, their cheeks will suddenly brush. If he tips his head a centimeter to the right, their noses will touch and he’ll have to awkwardly apologize for being so clumsy. The smart thing to do would be to move away...

But Rin stays put, staring and searching Sousuke’s expression with slightly widened, glossy eyes. So close...]

[He had a lot of time to adjust to his arrival at this place. To the god they assigned him. To the young man who wanted to be his friend. A lot of time, a lot of experiences, a lot of things to think about. He could see Rin as his god, his boss, his duty. Or he could see him as a friend, someone he could get to know and live with. Stupid to think he’d bother with that choice. Even if Rin hadn’t been the charismatic, excitable, annoyingly-interesting guy he was, Sousuke didn’t want to think of his new life as some job. Luckily, Rin made it very easy not to.

Sousuke accepted him. It took time, there were annoying moments, some parts of his god he still didn’t get, they fought a lot even now (always would), but something about him “fit” with the larger boy in so many ways. Rin was comfortable, he stoked his fires and encouraged his growth, he promised him and never went back on those words, Rin protected him but never smothered him… So many things that were simply… perfect between them. His initial distrust slowly gave way to a quiet acknowledgement. Until it turned into this. This deep respect and trust, a friendship Sousuke knows is far much more in the making.

The arms around him prove it. Even as that deep breath tells him the time for clinging and embracing is over, that it’s time for the awkward realization they’d just been hugging to come wandering in, Sousuke can’t help but feel a pang of regret and protest as Rin’s arms loosen around him. Don’t--

…

He sighs. --apologize. Too late. Of course he would. The little laugh doesn’t reach the words or Rin’s eyes and Sousuke looks up at him as hands stop on his shoulders. There’s a sensation there that’s… strange. For whatever reason, his shoulders have always been sensitive. Especially his right one. When Rin touches them, there’s either a slight shiver or a quiet tension depending on how the touch comes. It’s instinctive either way. But this time, with them so close, with his hands resting on his shoulders making him feel like he’s being supported and held at the same time… They’re really close. Enough to feel Rin’s breath on his jaw as his red eyes search his face. Tears still glistening, slightly wide, he’s looking at him… and Sousuke silently wonders in his mind what it is the other boy’s looking for.

Fabric slips a little as he lowers his hand, resting it on Rin’s hip instead of leaving it slung over his shoulders. Similar to the way he’d held his belt loop earlier. Before Rin pulled that little stumbling retreat out of awkwardness. He assumes. Sousuke’s eyes linger on the his god’s, waiting, watching.]

Are you sure this isn’t a date, Rin?

[He doesn’t know what he’s searching for or if he’s even searching at all. It’s just something that’s happening behind his control and he’s starting to wonder if he drank more than he thought he did back at the restaurant. It couldn’t have been that much, could it? He still feels stable enough, if a little warm in the cheeks and neck. Is that from the alcohol though or the simple act of being close? Whatever the reason, Rin worries he’ll start sweating if he doesn’t think fast... and yet in his moment of panic he finds himself frozen like a deer in the headlights. Why is he looking at him, what is he hoping to find?

Are you sure this isn’t a date?

Rin only notices Sousuke’s staring back at him when he picks up on the question and out of impulse he looks off to the side. His hands don’t move though, even when Sousuke’s do, one comfortably finding purchase on his hip where it... really shouldn’t go.

But he doesn’t stop him. Or scold him. Instead, beet red, Rin swallows thickly and shakes his head a few times towards the little inches of space between their chests.]

It’s not. [he protests, voice shaking, cracking, fragile. But if it’s not, then why can’t he let go? He felt that shiver and tension beneath his fingertips, so that’s more than enough reason to keep his hands to himself. What if Sousuke’s uncomfortable?] I– [Lips twitch, failing to form the right words, before Rin forces himself to drop his hands back into his lap.

Suddenly, he’s cold.]

... I’m sorry.

[Just like Rin, Sousuke has no idea what he’s looking at the red-haired teenager for, what he might be hoping to find. Maybe he’s not looking for any reason other than to simply look. It could be the alcohol, but he doubts it. This is one of those strange moments in life when neither words nor reason have any real precedence. It’s thought and silent emotion, an attempted communication or a voiceless question floating between two young people. His face feels slightly hot, his heart’s strangely going a little faster as he stands in Rin’s gaze. Even his chest feels tight, as if something might shatter if he moves or says in the wrong direction.

Are you sure this isn’t a date?

Rin’s not the only recipient of that question. Sousuke’s soft voice, his deeper tone, is asking himself the very same question.

A second later, time begins again as Rin averts his gaze. Sousuke feels a lance of disappointment as he loses Rin’s attention, something that frustrates him as much as confuses him. The hands on his shoulders don’t move and he has his own hand resting on Rin’s hips. They’re close to each other, touching places that are surely intimate. Even if they sleep in the same bed, if Rin supported his body in the pool, so many other instances where they’re physically close to each other, this moment right now feels like the closest they’ve ever been.

It’s as if he knows the reaction’s coming before it does. A red face, a thick swallow, head shaking a few times, and a shaking, cracked protest. It’s not convincing. For either of them. Sousuke watches him, the conflicting emotions all over his face, all the things he’s said and done flashing through his mind like a school of silver fish through the undersea currents. The twitch of his lips, the failure to say what he wants to… and soon the forced release of his shoulders so Rin’s hands can fall back into his lap. Defeated, frustrated, lost.

Cold.

And that apology. Sousuke’s eyes soften and his hold on Rin’s hips loosens before he lets him go. Maybe this is a stupid decision, maybe it’s feeding off the whirlwind of feelings he felt so long ago when he faced Rin down for the first time in front of his castle. A longing to prevent this boy’s pain and sorrow. It’s different now. He didn’t know Rin back then, didn’t know himself. But now… Now he knows. More about him. More about them. More than duty, more than god and shinki, more than trust.

Don’t you realize it by now?

Fingers touch, the warmth of Rin’s chin ghosting through Sousuke’s skin, and he slowly pulls, drawing the other boy’s head back up and towards him. Thumb brushing his tear-stained cheek, smoothing the wet lines in a soothing stroke. Not to look at him again, not to say anything. But to bring Rin’s face back to Sousuke’s. He leans forward, eyes closed, head tilting, the rush of the river and flow of the breeze stirring the world around them…

And kisses him.

~~[あなたがすきです]~~ Anata ga sukidesu.

So please stop apologizing.]

[Intimate. He's been avoiding thinking about this in that context because... it's not a word to describe them. Intimate means romantic and romance (with the exception of Rin's powers) has no place in their relationship as friends and partners. Just because they hugged or put their hands somewhere new doesn't mean anything complicated. At least that's what he wants to believe and stubbornly tells himself when he finally drops his hands into his lap where they belong. There's no reason for it. No romance, no confusion or disappointment. It's not like either of them are expecting something more.

For a moment he's struck with the urge to undo his ponytail and redo it again just to keep himself occupied. It's got to look like a mess by now anyway with all his earlier stumbling and crying. Confident his apology will be enough to put that comfortable space between them once again, Rin starts to turn back towards the river, but he's only managed the slightest shift of feet against the pavement when suddenly he doesn't feel quite so cold.

Wait... he's touching him again. He thought he stopped a second ago? So why's he doing it again... and on his face, out of all places? He's not crying anymore, so there's no reason for that. M-maybe there's still a few tear tracks but he's always been understanding enough to let them dry on their own.

It seems stupid, but Rin's reminded of one time his sister dragged him to the city to watch some popular romance movie. That particular scene didn't take place on a park bench though. Was it in the rain? No... Maybe it was at school? His mind struggles to put the pieces together all while trying to make heads or tails of what Sousuke's doing to him right now. Does he realize it? Realize what? That he's touching his face? That he's pulling him closer with that soft look in his eyes and his head tilted exactly like in that stupid movie...?

As it turns out, Rin, the romantic swimming maniac, doesn't even register he's about to kiss his best friend until it's already too late.

What should I... do? Have you done this before? Even if you have, how could you remember how to do it? ... D-dammit, what kind of god of love doesn't know how to kiss?

He's still staring at Sousuke's face when it happens, petrified out of fear he'll mess something up if he breathes, but after what feels like a full minute in he finally pulls away with a dip of his head and a shaky exhale. What... just happened? He's pretty sure he didn't use any of his powers just then. But it's the only explanation he has for why Sousuke would do something so intimate out of the blue. He's Eros. People are supposed to find him attractive, he's supposed to catch anyone's attention without trying--

--Rin slowly lifts his eyes again in time for a single pink petal to fall between his and Sousuke's chests.

Shit.]

O-oy... [He grips his shinki's sleeve with a shaking hand. Somehow, he's managing not to snap. For now.] What-- What was that for?

[Why he does it is a mixture of obvious and unknown. He knows what he’s doing, there’s no fight in his mind to try and stop his body from moving without his permission. He knows each motion, from the touch to his chin to the contraction of his muscles to pull Rin’s face towards his own to the shift of gravity as he leans forward and touches the other boy. Touches him in a way that’s completely different from any way they’ve touched each other before in their strange relationship. It’s not a fist bump, it’s not a knee to the back of his leg, it’s not a lazy nudge of shoulder to shoulder. It’s something else entirely. Something that crosses a boundary that’s been there since their bond first awoke amid the flurry of sakura before Rin’s castle’s gates.

And yet, there’s a part that’s unknown. Why he’s suddenly done such a thing that falls straight into the realm of intimacy. Friendship, trust, loyalty, those things have all been slowly earned by Rin’s treatment of Sousuke. He’s protected him, he’s encouraged him not to buckle or give up, he’s called for him to walk beside him and have fun, he’s done as much as he can to ensure Sousuke’s new life is as good and fulfilling as it can be. How can it be that this facet is something that should come as such a surprise to either of them? They’ve stumbled upon each other naked, they’ve slept in the same bed, they’ve shared very painful and tender memories and seen each other in moments of extreme weakness, helped support each other through them…

After all that, how can Sousuke not feel that urge to protect Rin as well? To defend him from danger and try to help him enjoy his own life. Is that why he’s crossed this line? A kiss to encourage Rin not to feel so sad. A touch telling him not to cry because they still have more to hope for together. Did he think he’d somehow magically assuage Rin’s internal pain? That this would make everything go back to normal? He doesn’t know exactly; all of those reasons and thoughts flash through his mind as potentials, maybes, possibles. Is this a mistake? Has he breeched a barrier that’s not to be crossed? More thoughts appear every passing moment of that long second their mouths are connected, whipping his normally calm composure into something internally turbulent.

Everything freezes the instance Rin pulls away. His chin slips from his fingers as he ducks his head, the exhale shivers far lower than Sousuke’s chin, and his lips burn slightly like the color rising on his face. Sousuke opens his eyes halfway, no longer looking at Rin, but at the scenery over the top of his bowed head. Fingers grapple at his sleeves, the hand attached to them shivering so much he feels it through the fabric covering his skin. There’d been no kiss back, only that stunned feeling of someone who doesn’t realize what’s going on, doesn’t know why it’s happening. An empty feeling that grips his chest as tightly as the hand on his sleeve. That kind of reaction…

The answer’s obvious. Of course Rin didn’t understand, didn’t see what Sousuke thought he might. It’s not like the taller boy’s made it obvious. He’s not like Rin, hides his emotions behind that quiet, calm visage. Why should Rin know the kinds of things swimming around in Sousuke’s mind and heart? He hasn’t made them known… Not before anyhow.

Rin’s question hangs in the pregnant air. No angry outburst, no shove away from him, nothing explosive or dismissive. But there’s incredulousness there, shock that’s sitting on the knife’s edge ready to pitch forward or backwards at the next instance. It’s not a fair question to him, but it’s a fair question for Rin to ask. And now Sousuke’s facing the reality of answering it. To keep his silence or stand up and avoid it… He knows instantly that choice is the worst choice he can make. Better to fumble through some stupid, mumbled answer, maybe say it’s the beer, say it’s the atmosphere, say it’s his god’s romantic swimming maniac tendencies. Easier to lie. Why? That question’s as heavy as asking the “why” behind Sousuke’s agreement to become Rin’s shinki, when he knew nothing about him or himself. And an answer…]

Because, [It would be easier.] I don’t want you to cry over me.

[If kissing him is Sousuke's way of wanting to show his protective side to Rin, then that's more than a little non traditional, wouldn't he say? It just doesn't add up in his mind. The Sousuke from his past, the one who remembers... and the Sousuke sitting here with him now without a single memory to call his own-- This is the only time he's drawn a clear distinction between them, or at least it's what his mind wants to believe is true. He kissed him because he felt sorry for him. He kissed him because he happened to look a certain way in the city lights. This or that, whatever the reason... Rin's determined to convince himself there's no true feelings behind that kiss.

That stubbornness keeps Rin from melting into the moment. It keeps him from shutting his eyes, from putting two and two together and kissing back like a lot of people would. Is it rude? Is it wrong? Even Rin doesn't entirely understand his own reaction.

More than anything though, he feels annoyed, not with Sousuke but with himself for being so... inexperienced. It's never been a good feeling. Being so brand new he makes all the mistakes. Up until this reality, his life consisted of nothing but his future. Swimming, studying, being the best of the best while leaving zero room for failure. In what way could anything else fit into that schedule? How could he have made himself more prepared for something like this?

But that's all overthinking again (typical when he's been backed into a corner) and finally with a deep breath Rin tries to calm himself by closing his eyes completely. He won't let go of Sousuke's sleeve. Not yet. Can't bring himself to hold anything else. He only wants what's familiar, comfortable, real. For a while the world's generous enough to give him that, but then he remembers his question still hangs in the air and there's no stopping the way his heart sinks back into his stomach. Why did he have to ask? Avoiding it had to be the best and only choice.

He's hyper aware of every breath, beat and emotion in his shinki's voice once his answer finally comes, so once he has it he obsessively latches on to try and make some sense of it. Didn't want him to cry, didn't want him to cry over him more specifically... Why is that always the answer? Do you pity me? Do you not trust me? Why should it even bother you at all? It's an all too familiar scene for Rin from the words to the way he ends up clutching at Sousuke's shirt with his free hand anyway. He wants to shake him. Punch him, kick him, tell him he's stupid...

He can only manage the latter.]

You idiot... [he hisses, his voice shaking with each breath, tears trailing over the bridge of his nose and chin where he can still feel those damn fingers touching. "I'm not crying," is what he'd normally say at a time like this... but--] Can't you see I've already done it?

[Rin's voice raises a touch when he decides to be bold and lift his head so they'll be forced to stare eye to eye once again. As expected, his face is a mess, loosened maroon bangs sticking to rosy cheeks, teeth bared in some poor attempt to seem tough through his tears. Didn't want him to cry... Didn't want him to cry? Again? What the hell does that even mean!?]

Look at me! [Louder, shakier, with fingers suddenly moving to Sousuke's collar so he can pull and tug there too.] How many times have you seen me like this by now? Just like this! [If I feel what you feel, see what you see, know what you know... How can you expect me to not cry over you? Or maybe the right question is...] Am I not supposed to care about you!? [Dammit, he saw him die. His first rival, his own best friend-- Without thinking, Rin slips a hand up so it can cup the back of Sousuke's neck, nails digging in enough to add pressure but not bite.

Subconsciously he still wants him close. Close enough to be familiar, comfortable-- He doesn't know when their foreheads touch, only that they do and he doesn't want it to stop. Something about it is so dizzying... If he leans forward a touch more, he could make it happen again--]

Don't tell me what I shouldn't do for you because you know I'll do it anyway. ... And if you're going to do something like that, don't do it for me.

[What am I saying? Swallow. Breathe. ... If I lean closer, it'll happen again.]

... Do it because you want to.

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