Who prays to Angra Mainyu, honestly?

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Who: Zetta and Ross; Zetta and Hibiki?!
When: December 23 & 24
Where: The Near Shore
What: Zetta answers prayers. Ross comes along for one. Hibiki shows up for the other. Hilarity Ensues.

December 23.

What is it with forests, anyway?

[Zetta's divine power transports the pair of them -- or rather the three of them, if one counts the unfortunate minion on book-carrying detail -- down to the Near Shore in a flash of malign black energy that practically screams 'evil!'. As much as getting named a god is an incredible step down for him, Zetta has to appreciate that this particular divinity has a little style.]

[Find the blighted tree and investigate. Simple enough. Finding themselves deposited on the outskirts of a park, maybe less simple.]

...Okay, never mind. Not forests. Super. [Zetta scowls at the faint patch of winter-worn green, addressing Ross without looking his way.] This sounds way too easy to be easy, huh?

December 24.

Hyaaaha ha ha ha ha!

[Who is Zetta talking to? Because it isn't the minion that's lugging him up the walk to the neat little townhouse from which a heartfelt prayer had come. And there's no one else around to hear... But as an Overlord and protagonist, Zetta has a heartfelt obligation to narrate his life.]

This is perfect! A prayer to watch TV? I'll sit back, do nothing, and have another devoted follower spreading the good word... uh, bad word... without needing to so much as flip a page.

I sure hope it's some decent show, though... [A brief expression of worry crossed his face as the minion shifted the Sacred Tome to one arm, the better to access the bell. But hey, what's the worst that could happen on this prayer?]

Comments

[priforprince]

[ The kid's favorite is Kipachu. Kipachu is a monster with a tail shaped like a thunder cloud, and it's really, really cool! Zetta is treated to a five-paragraph essay on the wonders of this miracle creature.

Hibiki picks up her teacup (of course she has tea, she was going to watch television, one cannot do that without tea) and sips deeply.

Kipachu is on the screen now. Who knows what Kipachu will say? ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Zetta listens to the essay with the patience of a book who is showing up Hibiki something fierce, and who has to tolerate the Prinnies on a daily basis anyway. It's almost enough that he misses the characters addressing Kepachu for the first time--]

["Kepachu!" The cry comes from the screen and the kid's throat in unison.]

[priforprince]

[ STEREO?!

Hibiki's teacup falls and shatters on the carpet. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[The book twitches violently at the sudden noise.] Hey, come on! This plot is hard enough to follow as it is!

[priforprince]

[ Hibiki is twitching too, for different reasons. Stiffly, she turns to the child. ]

Do they...all...speak like that?

[ "Yeah!" the kid enthuses. "Manachar says 'Manachar, char!' and Sortabulb says 'bulb sort bulb' and there's even someone who really loves Kepomon that ends all their sentences like this, kepo!"

Hibiki is now skewered to the couch by the word "kepo". The kid doesn't notice, too busy enthusing about how they're gonna watch this show alllllll night. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Zetta, frowning, forgets that Hibiki is his mortal enemy for a moment, because he's hit upon something potentially world-shaking. With a deep, thoughtful frown, the book tilts slightly her direction, lowering his voice to convey this revelation in a secretive, conspiratorial tone.]

I think there's a pattern there.

[priforprince]

Hhhhhhggggghhhh.

[ She should have just died on your floor.

It would have been kinder than this. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

["You're funny!" the kid says, distracted briefly by Hibiki's antics. And Zetta curses the fate that makes Hibiki win points by being too easy to torment.]

[priforprince]

[ Somehow, Hibiki is not in a position to appreciate this, herself.

Her legs, in front of Zetta, have started being drawn with much thicker lines. And the entire half of the couch occupied by her torso is swathed in shadow. ]

...I might not. Make it.

[ So she realizes, voice coming from the back of her throat. She can see a dim light...it's calling to her. But every time the Kepomon speak, the light flickers and dies.

There are only sentence enders in this eternal darkness. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hey, your calves are getting weirdly SD over here. Are you turning into a Golden Age Cartoon Network drawing?

[Zetta glances her way, and -- for Magog's sake, this is pathetic. Here's someone who actually makes this hellhole of a heaven interesting and this is how he's winning supreme victory over her?]

Look, I'm all for wacky character traits providing color and style, but seriously, what's with you and verbal tics being your Priptonite?

[priforprince]

Sentence enders.

[ This is an important correction. Verbal tics are irritating, but she'll live (with one dreamin' exception).

Rallying for her temper, now. ] At least get the topic right.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

...But you freak out when the Prinnies say 'dood' in the middle of their sentences.

[If they have to discuss really stupid things, it's important that they nitpick the details excessively.]

[priforprince]

The implication is that it's concluding a thought!!

[ They are in agreement about how to hold a disagreement.

Also, if she focuses on this, then maybe she won't get sucked back down the Kepomon hole. ] In any case, the inelegant absurdity is the primary offender. My allergy won't abate.

[ She has a rare condition known as "celebrity". It's exotic, and frequently terminal. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Okay, so first of all, it should be clause-enders then. And second of all...

[How to put this to someone who dresses up in costume and swings around like Spider-Man and Indiana Jones had a lovechild with better legs and a deeper voice than both of them put together?]

...Your definition of absurd says that nothing you do is absurd because you're the one doing it, doesn't it.

[priforprince]

[ Hibiki snorts. Whatever you're about to accuse her of, it won't stick! Absurdity is indeed everyone else's curse.

She lifts a new teacup to prove this. Such elegance, such grace! ] My every move is magnificent.

[ "We're going to settle this," says the character on the TV screen, "with a Kepomon rap battle!"





In Hibiki's defense, this is an especially magnificent cup drop. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Rap battle, huh?

[Zetta may not be the sharpest bulb in the shed, but he has a knack for petty and evil that well suits an Overlord. Straightening up slightly, he pitches his voice a little louder.] We should do our own Kepomon rap battle to show what true fans we are!

[priforprince]

Wha--?!

[ The kid is really enthused by this, bouncing in place and then around the room. Then, they point at Zetta's minion.

He should go first! ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Oh. Wait. What? How did this --]

[Almost shoving Zetta aside, the minion steps up, produces a baseball cap out of nowhere which he then promptly puts on backwards, and drops into a crouch, arms extended.]

Yo you
Kepomon's up and you gonna fall
'cuz I'm kepo-hyped, I'ma kepo-stand tall
I assemble my team to start my plan
Number one! Dragon-cat type, Draconyan!
In the second slot you know I got
Magmamopmeemo with the fire all hot.
Word up, it's third up, let's get the bird up
My fancy feather winged guy, my shiny Chirrchirrup.
Fourth on the team we gotta go hard
So ShieldyMcShieldface will put you on guard.
Rounding out the roster, the pixie type on point
So come on Squigglybutt, we gonna blow up this joint.
And last but not least -- you know it, you know it, you know it's true
'Cuz no team is complete without KEPACHU!

[The minion flicks a hand up and opens it. Mic. Dropped.

[priforprince]

[ Hibiki has abandoned her sprawl in favor for curling up in the fetal position on the couch, hands clapped over her ears while she shivers. She's not leaving this living room alive. That fact is becoming increasingly clear.

The kid, though, is clapping and jumping and jamming for all they're worth. That was so great! Them next, them next! Uh, um....

Kepo kepo mon, kepo mon kepo mon!
Mon mon kepo, gotta....kepo with the mon.

Um. Uh. Ahhh....


Hibiki unscrunches her face long enough to tentatively begin lowering her hands. Is it...is it safe...? ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

Hey! [Now that he has a clear, uncalved view of the kid, Zetta can adopt his best supportive look. Despite the alarm this look inspires in said kid, he bravely soldiers on.] Rap it like Kepachu.

["Oh yeah!"

"Kepa kepa chu kepa kepa chu chuu
Kepa chuu chuu kepa chuu chuu chuu..."]

[priforprince]

Hnnghh!!

[ Hibiki faints against the couch, then rights herself and glares at Zetta with the vitriol of a thousand spewing poisonous roses. So great is her ire that it almost, but doesn't quite, burn up the blazing headache stabbing her with every kepa and chu.

You are doing this to her on purpose. You - you -

You SENTENCE ENDER ENABLER. ]

[badassfreakingoverlord]

[Zetta would love to take pleasure in his foe's agony. Zetta would delight in her torment, and revel in his victory! Zetta... doesn't notice, because he's busy bobbing along merrily to the beat.]

[What?! The kid's got rhythm! He's allowed to enjoy!]

["Kepa kepa chu chu!" the kid finishes.]

[priforprince]

Khhhhh!!

[ Hibiki provides the coda, doubling over to take a deep breath. She can think again! She can see! She can hear!

Once oxygen (and, with it, some modicum of the grace that her luxurious celebrity body finds just as vital) has returned to her system, she's able to blink and attempt to speak. ]

Let's.....call off this contest....for now.

[badassfreakingoverlord]

What? Damn! [The book winces, having been looking forward to strutting his stuff, then exhales.] Oh well. I was having trouble rhyming 'antediluvian' anyway -- Peruvian! Aww, damn it!

[And does Zetta gain the benefit of his (minion's) victory? Nope, the theme song for the next episode is already rolling, and the kid belts along about 'choosing which one' without so much as awarding a participation trophy.]

[Hmm. His strategy might take work.]

[priforprince]

I'll grant you an honorable mention for a multisyllabic rhyme.

[ ----CURSE HER SENSE OF FAIRNESS

AND APPRECIATION OF VOCABULARY ]