thenearshore | Who prays to Angra Mainyu, honestly?

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Who prays to Angra Mainyu, honestly?

Who: Zetta and Ross; Zetta and Hibiki?!
When: December 23 & 24
Where: The Near Shore
What: Zetta answers prayers. Ross comes along for one. Hibiki shows up for the other. Hilarity Ensues.

December 23.

What is it with forests, anyway?

[Zetta's divine power transports the pair of them -- or rather the three of them, if one counts the unfortunate minion on book-carrying detail -- down to the Near Shore in a flash of malign black energy that practically screams 'evil!'. As much as getting named a god is an incredible step down for him, Zetta has to appreciate that this particular divinity has a little style.]

[Find the blighted tree and investigate. Simple enough. Finding themselves deposited on the outskirts of a park, maybe less simple.]

...Okay, never mind. Not forests. Super. [Zetta scowls at the faint patch of winter-worn green, addressing Ross without looking his way.] This sounds way too easy to be easy, huh?

December 24.

Hyaaaha ha ha ha ha!

[Who is Zetta talking to? Because it isn't the minion that's lugging him up the walk to the neat little townhouse from which a heartfelt prayer had come. And there's no one else around to hear... But as an Overlord and protagonist, Zetta has a heartfelt obligation to narrate his life.]

This is perfect! A prayer to watch TV? I'll sit back, do nothing, and have another devoted follower spreading the good word... uh, bad word... without needing to so much as flip a page.

I sure hope it's some decent show, though... [A brief expression of worry crossed his face as the minion shifted the Sacred Tome to one arm, the better to access the bell. But hey, what's the worst that could happen on this prayer?]

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COMIC RELIEF?!?!?!?!??!!

[ That is, quite possibly, the worst thing anyone has ever dared say to Shikyoin Hibiki. To behold the majesty of her star quality and mistake it for that of a gag character - the idea offends both in its contents and how it reflects upon the utterer's judgment. Hibiki finds herself both insulted and, worse, in the presence of an idiot!

Her expression simplifies and contorts. The contours of her body grow sketchy in rage. Her ahoge uncurls and sticks up straight from her head. How dare....comic relief.....Impossible!

She is saved from completely self-destructing in rage, however, by the kid tugging at her sleeve and putting a finger to their lips as music begins to play. "The theme song's on!" she is informed. "Don't talk during the theme song!"

...That's right, isn't it. One mustn't talk. During the theme song.

It's a very upbeat theme song, too. ]

[Oh, wow. Zetta makes one huge 72-point bolt italic underline note to call her that again, in the future, frequently.]

Yeah, no talking during the theme song.

[Seizing the high ground with absolutely no hands because he doesn't have any, Zetta has his minion waltz him right past Hibiki to park him on the couch in prime viewing territory. Come on, kid. Join your REAL watching buddy.]

...

[ Hibiki can't argue with "no talking during the theme song", unfortunately, so she settles down uncomfortably on the other side of the couch, both her arms and her legs crossed, to watch the show. So this is a children's show about creatures, hm? A juvenile prayer for a juvenile supplicant.

The kid does sit closer to Zetta than to Hibiki, if only because a Real Kepomon is like the best watching buddy Ever. Hibiki frowns, antsy already. But not because of the child's choice.

She wants to put her legs on the couch. And the couch is full.

The couch is not allowed to be full. ]

[Zetta claims the upper hand! Despite not having any hands. While Hibiki sulks and looks like this is misery, Zetta puts on an air of smug delight, as if watching this show was nothing more than he desired in the world. By the time this binge is over, this kid will surely be a devoted follower of Angra Mainyu!]

[He has no idea what Hibiki's true thoughts are. Which is almost a shame. She would make an excellent demon.]

[ As the theme song draws to a close and the narrator explains the plot of the show (which has not changed, or progressed, in three hundred or so episodes, not that the child seems to mind), Hibiki decides she does not much care if the real estate is already occupied. Propping her head up on one hand, elbow rested on the armrest, she pulls her legs up onto the couch and sprawls.

The kid just gets up to sit on the floor instead, bouncing up now and then to point out their favorite characters as they appear on screen. But Hibiki's legs are now in front of Zetta. (Control your awe. Her calves are insured for prillions, and deserve it.)

Ah, here's the monsters now... ]

[Look, Zetta would cheerfully add unsubtle lust to their enmity dynamic if there were any room for it, but with Hibiki being Hibiki all those calves inspire in him is annoyance. He squirms slightly, trying to get a better position to look over them.]

[Time to make a play for advantage again.]

Hey kid! Who's your favorite?

[ The kid's favorite is Kipachu. Kipachu is a monster with a tail shaped like a thunder cloud, and it's really, really cool! Zetta is treated to a five-paragraph essay on the wonders of this miracle creature.

Hibiki picks up her teacup (of course she has tea, she was going to watch television, one cannot do that without tea) and sips deeply.

Kipachu is on the screen now. Who knows what Kipachu will say? ]

[Zetta listens to the essay with the patience of a book who is showing up Hibiki something fierce, and who has to tolerate the Prinnies on a daily basis anyway. It's almost enough that he misses the characters addressing Kepachu for the first time--]

["Kepachu!" The cry comes from the screen and the kid's throat in unison.]

[ STEREO?!

Hibiki's teacup falls and shatters on the carpet. ]

[The book twitches violently at the sudden noise.] Hey, come on! This plot is hard enough to follow as it is!

[ Hibiki is twitching too, for different reasons. Stiffly, she turns to the child. ]

Do they...all...speak like that?

[ "Yeah!" the kid enthuses. "Manachar says 'Manachar, char!' and Sortabulb says 'bulb sort bulb' and there's even someone who really loves Kepomon that ends all their sentences like this, kepo!"

Hibiki is now skewered to the couch by the word "kepo". The kid doesn't notice, too busy enthusing about how they're gonna watch this show alllllll night. ]

[Zetta, frowning, forgets that Hibiki is his mortal enemy for a moment, because he's hit upon something potentially world-shaking. With a deep, thoughtful frown, the book tilts slightly her direction, lowering his voice to convey this revelation in a secretive, conspiratorial tone.]

I think there's a pattern there.

Hhhhhhggggghhhh.

[ She should have just died on your floor.

It would have been kinder than this. ]

["You're funny!" the kid says, distracted briefly by Hibiki's antics. And Zetta curses the fate that makes Hibiki win points by being too easy to torment.]

[ Somehow, Hibiki is not in a position to appreciate this, herself.

Her legs, in front of Zetta, have started being drawn with much thicker lines. And the entire half of the couch occupied by her torso is swathed in shadow. ]

...I might not. Make it.

[ So she realizes, voice coming from the back of her throat. She can see a dim light...it's calling to her. But every time the Kepomon speak, the light flickers and dies.

There are only sentence enders in this eternal darkness. ]

Hey, your calves are getting weirdly SD over here. Are you turning into a Golden Age Cartoon Network drawing?

[Zetta glances her way, and -- for Magog's sake, this is pathetic. Here's someone who actually makes this hellhole of a heaven interesting and this is how he's winning supreme victory over her?]

Look, I'm all for wacky character traits providing color and style, but seriously, what's with you and verbal tics being your Priptonite?

Sentence enders.

[ This is an important correction. Verbal tics are irritating, but she'll live (with one dreamin' exception).

Rallying for her temper, now. ] At least get the topic right.

...But you freak out when the Prinnies say 'dood' in the middle of their sentences.

[If they have to discuss really stupid things, it's important that they nitpick the details excessively.]

The implication is that it's concluding a thought!!

[ They are in agreement about how to hold a disagreement.

Also, if she focuses on this, then maybe she won't get sucked back down the Kepomon hole. ] In any case, the inelegant absurdity is the primary offender. My allergy won't abate.

[ She has a rare condition known as "celebrity". It's exotic, and frequently terminal. ]

Okay, so first of all, it should be clause-enders then. And second of all...

[How to put this to someone who dresses up in costume and swings around like Spider-Man and Indiana Jones had a lovechild with better legs and a deeper voice than both of them put together?]

...Your definition of absurd says that nothing you do is absurd because you're the one doing it, doesn't it.

[ Hibiki snorts. Whatever you're about to accuse her of, it won't stick! Absurdity is indeed everyone else's curse.

She lifts a new teacup to prove this. Such elegance, such grace! ] My every move is magnificent.

[ "We're going to settle this," says the character on the TV screen, "with a Kepomon rap battle!"

In Hibiki's defense, this is an especially magnificent cup drop. ]

Rap battle, huh?

[Zetta may not be the sharpest bulb in the shed, but he has a knack for petty and evil that well suits an Overlord. Straightening up slightly, he pitches his voice a little louder.] We should do our own Kepomon rap battle to show what true fans we are!

Wha--?!

[ The kid is really enthused by this, bouncing in place and then around the room. Then, they point at Zetta's minion.

He should go first! ]

[Oh. Wait. What? How did this --]

[Almost shoving Zetta aside, the minion steps up, produces a baseball cap out of nowhere which he then promptly puts on backwards, and drops into a crouch, arms extended.]

Yo you
Kepomon's up and you gonna fall
'cuz I'm kepo-hyped, I'ma kepo-stand tall
I assemble my team to start my plan
Number one! Dragon-cat type, Draconyan!
In the second slot you know I got
Magmamopmeemo with the fire all hot.
Word up, it's third up, let's get the bird up
My fancy feather winged guy, my shiny Chirrchirrup.
Fourth on the team we gotta go hard
So ShieldyMcShieldface will put you on guard.
Rounding out the roster, the pixie type on point
So come on Squigglybutt, we gonna blow up this joint.
And last but not least -- you know it, you know it, you know it's true
'Cuz no team is complete without KEPACHU!

[The minion flicks a hand up and opens it. Mic. Dropped.

Edited 2018-08-01 18:31 (UTC)

[ Hibiki has abandoned her sprawl in favor for curling up in the fetal position on the couch, hands clapped over her ears while she shivers. She's not leaving this living room alive. That fact is becoming increasingly clear.

The kid, though, is clapping and jumping and jamming for all they're worth. That was so great! Them next, them next! Uh, um....

Kepo kepo mon, kepo mon kepo mon!
Mon mon kepo, gotta....kepo with the mon.

Um. Uh. Ahhh....

Hibiki unscrunches her face long enough to tentatively begin lowering her hands. Is it...is it safe...? ]

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